A passer-by watched two Irishmen in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
'Tell me, 'said the passer-by, 'What on earth are you doing?'
'Well, 'said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig, Fergal plants the tree and Sean fills in the hole.
Today Fergal is away unwell, but that doesn't mean Sean and I have to take the day off, does it?'
Two Irishman Meet a Swiss Tourist
A Swiss man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions. He was standing outside Davy Byrne's pub
when he saw two youths walking by so he stops them and asks, 'Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?'
The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.
'Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français?' He tries.
The two continue to stare.
'Parlare Italiano?' Still absolutely no response from the two lads.
'Hablan ustedes Espanol?' The Dublin lads remain totally silent.
The Swiss guy walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood.
One of the boys turns to the second and says, 'Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!'
'Why?' says the youth, 'That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good!'
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.
'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'
'That's a real coincidence, 'observed the Frenchman, 'My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'
'That's really incredible, 'drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.
Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam.
Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have? Paddy: Five.
Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Five.
Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got? Paddy: Four.
Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Five.
Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five? Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home!