Friday, March 16, 2012

HAPPY ST PADDY'S DAY!


For the Love of Ireland
Whether the mist be over Ireland
or in a far off land
today is for all Irishmen
and won't it just be grand
as we celebrate our heritage
in many different ways
for those of us with Irish hearts
know that our love of Erin stays...
(c) Crissouli







Paddy went to a farmer in the hope of buying a donkey.

The farmer and Paddy came to an arrangement whereby Paddy would pay 20 pounds now
and collect the donkey in two weeks time.

After two weeks, Paddy went back to the farmer to collect his donkey however the farmer told Paddy that unfortunately the donkey had died.
Upset about this as Paddy really wanted the donkey he asked the farmer for his money back.
The farmer said he couldn't do this as he had spent the money.
Paddy replied that he would take the dead donkey and raffle it off.
The farmer told Paddy that he couldn't raffle a dead donkey as no one would buy a ticket.
"Easy", said Paddy I "won't tell them the donkey is dead".

So, after the raffle was drawn the farmer asked Paddy how he got on.
Paddy replied that he had sold 1,000 pounds worth of tickets in the raffle and made a handsome profit.
"How" said the farmer for "the donkey was dead".
"Well", Paddy said "when the winner of the raffle came to collect the donkey I told him he had died.
The winner then asked for his money back so I gave him back his 20 pounds and pocketed the rest, making a profit of 980 pounds".
Paddy has now been invited to be the head of the Bank of Ireland.







A passer-by watched two Irishmen in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.

'Tell me, 'said the passer-by, 'What on earth are you doing?'

'Well, 'said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig, Fergal plants the tree and Sean fills in the hole.

Today Fergal is away unwell, but that doesn't mean Sean and I have to take the day off, does it?'




Two Irishman Meet a Swiss Tourist

A Swiss man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions. He was standing outside Davy Byrne's pub

when he saw two youths walking by so he stops them and asks, 'Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?'

The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.

'Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fran├žais?' He tries.

The two continue to stare.

'Parlare Italiano?' Still absolutely no response from the two lads.

'Hablan ustedes Espanol?' The Dublin lads remain totally silent.

The Swiss guy walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood.

One of the boys turns to the second and says, 'Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!'

'Why?' says the youth, 'That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good!'


An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'

'That's a real coincidence, 'observed the Frenchman, 'My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'

'That's really incredible, 'drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.




Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam.

Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have? Paddy: Five.

Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Five.

Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got? Paddy: Four.

Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Five.


Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five? Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home!




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