PARAPROSDOKIANS.....POTTED WISDOM

PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.) Here is the definition:

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian. 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left… 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks. 12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory. 17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. 20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 21. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first then call whatever you hit. 23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 26. Where there's a will, there are relatives. __._,_.___

AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL FAMILY HISTORY WEEK

"Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards."

National Family History Week

Family history and genealogy are becoming some of the most popular hobbies around the world. Family history is the second biggest subject on the web with sites receiving billions of hits per year. There are over 250,000 Australians who are members of family history related organisations so the week has broad appeal across Australia. National Family History Week is an initiative of AFFHO (Australasian Federation of Family History Organisations). This popular initiative has received broad support from some of Australia's leading government and non government organisations. Current sponsors and supporters include: National Archives Australia FamilySearch.org FindMyPast.com Ancestry.com.au During the week events will be conducted across the country that focus on genealogy, family history, heraldry and related subjects including family reunions, seminars, talks, open days, history walks, book launches, film evening and expos. Check your state for details of local events.

This is the list so far for Brisbane and near by... to check you area or state, please go to http://www.familyhistoryweek.org.au/

Queensland Events for Family History Week Events are listed by postcode and date order 4051 4 August 2012 10 am to 3pm Queensland Family History Society Open Day Have a guided tour of the Queensland FHS library and discover the many resources available to assist in the discovery of your family heritage. Chat to members of our Special Interest Groups (Location groups - Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Central European, England West Country; Genealogy Software groups - Family Tree Maker and The Master Genealogist; the Queensland Pre-Separation Group and the Family History Writing Group) Browse the bookshop and pick up one of our excellent specials. Tea and coffee will be available all day. Special guests will include our Patron, Her Excellency Ms Penelope Wensley, AC, Governor of Queensland venue: 58 Bellevue Avenue, Gaythorne group: Queensland Family History Society contact: Bev Young (Secretary), email: secretary@qfhs.org.au 4114 27 July 2012 to 5 August 2012 Logan River and District Family History Society Open Days We are going to open our rooms each day of the National Family History Week from 9.30am to 1.30pm venue: 1 - 21 Milky Way, Kingston group: Logan River and District Family History Society Inc contact: Graham Popple - loganriverfhs@hotmail.com 4114 1 August and 2 August Basic Ancestry Training Ancestry Training Sessions Aug 1st Greenbank Library 10:30am Jimboomba Library 2:30pm Aug 2ng Logan Central Library 10:30am Logan Village Library 1:30pm group: Logan City Council Libraries contact: Jamie Treble localstudies@logan.qld.gov.au 4119 2 August 2012 10.30am to 12.00pm Family history in the 21st century Researching your family history? Never before has family history research been so accessible. Martin Hawkins, an experienced researcher, will show you how the internet makes it possible for you to find your ancestors from the comfort of your lounge room or public library. Bookings essential. venue: Logan North Library, 2-6 Sports Drive, Underwood group: Logan North Library - phone 07 3412 4140

UPDATE ON NEWSPAPERS COMPLETED OR WAITING TO BE DIGITISED BY NLA

 

State	Title	Date Range	Status
National	The Dawn	1888 – 1905	Completed
ACT	Federal Capital Pioneer	1924 – 1926	Completed
ACT	Canberra Illustrated: A Quarterly Magazine	1925	Completed
ACT	Canberra Community News	1927 – 1927	Completed
NSW	Australian Band of Hope Journal	1857 – 1857	Completed
NSW	The Australian Band of Hope Review, and Children's Friend	1856	Completed
NSW	The Australian Home Companion and Band of Hope Journal	1859 – 1861	Completed
NSW	The Band of Hope Journal and Australian Home Companion	1858	Completed
NSW	Australian Town and Country Journal	1870 – 1907	Completed
NSW	The Biz	1928 – 1954	Completed
NSW	The Castlereagh	1905 – 1907
NSW	The Cumberland Argus and Fruitgrowers Advocate	1888 – 1919
NSW	The Dubbo Liberal and Macquarie Advocate	1892 – 1900	Completed
		1902 – 1927	Completed
NSW	The Australian, Windsor, Richmond, and Hawkesbury Advertiser	1873 – 1899	Completed
NSW	Hawkesbury Chronicle and Farmers Advocate	1881 – 1888	Completed
NSW	Hawkesbury Courier and Agricultural and General Advertiser	1881 – 1888	Completed
NSW	Hawkesbury Advocate	1899 – 1900	Completed
NSW	Hawkesbury Herald	1902 – 1945	Completed
NSW	Windsor and Richmond Gazette	1888 – 1954
NSW	Windsor Express and Richmond Advertiser	1843 – 1844	Completed
NSW	The Leader	1946 – 1949	Completed
NSW	Liverpool News	1837 – 1941	Completed
NSW	Nepean Times	1914 – 1919
NSW	Northern Star	1876 – 1954
NSW	Singleton Argus	1880 – 1954	Completed
NSW	The Singleton Argus and Upper Hunter General Advocate	1874 – 1880	Completed
QLD	The Capricornian	1875 – 1929	Completed
QLD	The Central Queensland Herald	1930 – 1956
QLD	The Charleville Courier	1896 – 1898	Completed
QLD	The Charleville Times	1896 – 1954	Completed
QLD	Chronicle and North Coast Advertiser	1903 – 1922
QLD	The Darling Downs Gazette and General Advertiser	1858 – 1880
QLD	Nambour Chronicle and North Coast Advertiser	1922 – 1954
QLD	The North Australian, Ipswich and General Advertiser	1856 – 1862	Completed
QLD	North Australian and Queensland General Advertiser	1862 – 1863	Completed
QLD	The North Australian	1863 – 1865	Completed
QLD	The North Queensland Register	1892 – 1905	Completed
QLD	Northern Miner	1874 – 1954	Completed
QLD	Northern Mining Register	1891 – 1892	Completed
QLD	Queensland Figaro	1883 – 1885	Completed
QLD	Queensland Figaro and Punch	1885 – 1916	Completed
QLD	Queensland Figaro	1923 – 1936	Completed
QLD	Warwick Argus and Tenterfield Chronicle	1866 – 1879	Completed
QLD	Warwick Argus	1879 – 1901	Completed
QLD	Warwick Examiner and Times	1867 – 1919	Completed
QLD	The Western Champion	1879 – 1937	Completed
QLD	The Western Champion and General Advertiser for the Central-Western Districts	1892 – 1922	Completed
QLD	Worker	1890 – 1955	Completed
SA	Adelaide Morning Chronicle	1852 – 1853	Completed
SA	The Advertiser	1889 – 1931	Completed
SA	Advertiser and Register	1931	Completed
SA	The Advertiser	1931 – 1954	Completed
SA	Border Watch	1861 – 1862	Completed
SA	Border Watch and South Eastern Advocate	1862 – 1874	Completed
SA	Border Watch	1874 – 1954	Completed
SA	Chronicle	1895 – 1954
SA	Port Pirie Recorder	1918 – 1919
SA	Port Pirie Recorder and North Western Mail	1898 – 1918
SA	Recorder	1919 – 1954
SA	South Australian	1844 – 1851	Completed
SA	South Australian Chronicle	1889 – 1895
SA	South Australian Chronicle and Weekly Mail	1868 – 1881
SA	The South Australian Advertiser	1858 – 1889	Completed
SA	The South Australian Weekly Chronicle	1858 – 1867
SA	The South Australian Weekly Chronicle	1881 – 1889
SA	Southern Australian	1838 – 1844	Completed
TAS	Advocate	1890 – 1954	Completed
TAS	The Clipper	1893 – 1909
TAS	The Cornwall Chronicle	1835 – 1880	Completed
TAS	The Launceston Advertiser	1829 – 1846
TAS	The Launceston Courier	1840 – 1843
TAS	Tasmanian and Port Dalrymple Advertiser	1825
TAS	Zeehan and Dundas Herald	1890 – 1922
VIC	Advertiser (Footscray	1914 – 1918
VIC	Ararat Advertiser and Chronicle for the Stawell and Wimmera Districts	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	The Argus	1955 – 1956	Completed
VIC	Bacchus Marsh express	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Bairnsdale Advertiser and Tambo and Omeo Chronicle	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Ballarat Courier	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	The Star	1855 – 1864	Completed
VIC	The Ballarat Star	1865	Completed
VIC	The Benalla Ensign and Farmer's and Squatter's Journal	1872 – 1872	Completed
VIC	The North Eastern Ensign	1872 – 1938	Completed
VIC	Bendigo Advertiser	1855 – 1918
VIC	Bendigonian	1914 – 1918
VIC	Berwick Shire news and Pakenham and Cranbourne gazette	1914 – 1917
VIC	Brighton Southern Cross	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Broadmeadows Camp Sentry	1917
VIC	Brunswick & Coburg Leader	1914 – 1918
VIC	Casterton News and the Merino and Sandford Record	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	The Coburg Leader	1890 – 1913	Completed
VIC	Colac Herald	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Dandenong Advertiser and Cranbourne, Berwick and Oakleigh Advocate	1914 – 1918
VIC	The Elsternwick Leader and Caulfield and Balaclava Guardian	1887	Completed
VIC	The Elsternwick Leader and District Record	1887 – 1888	Completed
VIC	The Elsternwick Leader	1888	Completed
VIC	The Caulfield and Elsternwick Leader	1888 – 1902	Completed
VIC	Essendon Gazette and Keilor, Bulla and Broadmeadows Reporter	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Euroa Advertiser	1884 – 1920	Completed
VIC	Euroa and Violet Town, Longwood, Avenel, Strathbogie, Balmattam and Miepoll Gazette	1884	Completed
VIC	Fitzroy City Press	1881 – 1920	Completed
VIC	Flemington Spectator	1914 – 1918
VIC	Frankston and Somerville Standard	1921 – 1939	Completed
VIC	Frankston Standard	1949	Completed
VIC	Geelong Advertiser and Squatters' Advocate	1845 – 1847
VIC	Geelong Advertiser	1847 – 1851
VIC	Geelong Advertiser and Intelligencer	1851 – 1856
VIC	Gippsland Farmers Journal	1914 – 1918
VIC	Gippsland Mercury	1914 – 1918
VIC	Great Southern Star	1914 – 1918
VIC	Hawthorn and Camberwell Citizen	1914
VIC	Hawthorn, Kew and Camberwell Citizen	1914 – 1918
VIC	Heidelberg News and Greensborough and Diamond Creek Chronicle	1914 – 1916
VIC	Heidelberg News and Greensborough Eltham and Diamond Creek Chronicle	1916 – 1918
VIC	Horsham Times	1882 – 1954	Completed
VIC	Independent (Footscray)	1883 – 1922	Completed
VIC	The Kerang Times	1890 – 1890	Completed
VIC	Kerang New Times	1914 – 1918
VIC	Kerang times and Swan Hill Gazette	1877 – 1889	Completed
VIC	Kilmore Free Press and Counties of Bourke and Dalhousie Advertiser	1865 – 1868	Completed
VIC	Kyabram Union	1886 – 1894	Completed
VIC	The Kyabram Union and Rodney Shire Advocate	1894 – 1894	Completed
VIC	Leader (Melbourne)	1914 – 1918
VIC	Lilydale Express	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Lilydale Express, Yarra Glen, Wandin Yallock, Upper Yarra, Healesville and Ringwood Chronicle	1914
VIC	The Maffra Spectator	1882 – 1920	Completed
VIC	Malvern and Caulfield Standard	1906	Completed
VIC	Malvern Standard	1906 – 1931	Completed
VIC	Maryborough & Dunolly Advertiser	1914 – 1918
VIC	McIvor Times and Rodney Advertiser	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Melton Express	1915 – 1918
VIC	Mildura Cultivator	1888 – 1920	Completed
VIC	Moorabbin News	1914 – 1918
VIC	Morwell Advertiser and Weekly Chronicle	1887 – 1888	Completed
VIC	Morwell Advertiser	1888 – 1954	Completed
VIC	Mornington Standard	1889 – 1908	Completed
VIC	Mornington and Dromana Standard	1908 – 1911	Completed
VIC	Mornington Standard	1911 – 1920	Completed
VIC	North Melbourne Advertiser	1873 – 1894	Completed
VIC	Oakleigh and Caulfield Times, Mulgrave and Ferntree Gully Guardian	1914 – 1918
VIC	Oakleigh Leader and District Record	1887 – 1888	Completed
VIC	Oakleigh Leader	1888 – 1902	Completed
VIC	Ouyen Mail	1915 – 1918
VIC	Ouyen Mail and Central Mallee Advertiser	1914 – 1915
VIC	Ovens and Murray Advertiser	1914 – 1918
VIC	Pakenham Gazette and Berwick Shire News	1917 – 1918
VIC	Port Fairy Gazette	1914 – 1918
VIC	Standard (Port Melbourne)	1914
VIC	Port Melbourne Standard	1914 – 1918
VIC	Portland Observer and Normanby Advertiser	1914 – 1918
VIC	Prahran Chronicle	1914 – 1918
VIC	Prahran Telegraph	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Preston Leader	1914 – 1918
VIC	Queenscliff Sentinel Drysdale, St Leonards, Sorrento, Portsea, Portarlington, Point Lonsdale and Bellarineshire Advocate	1882 – 1884	Completed
VIC	Queenscliff Sentinel	1884 – 1885	Completed
VIC	Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington and Sorrento Advertiser	1885 – 1894	Completed
VIC	Queenscliff Sentinel, Drysdale, Portarlington, Sorrento Advertiser	1914 – 1918
VIC	Record (Emerald Hill)	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Reporter (Box Hill)	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Richmond Guardian	1917 – 1918
VIC	Ringwood and Croydon Chronicle	1914 – 1918
VIC	Riverine Herald	1914 – 1918
VIC	Sandringham Southern Cross	1914 – 1918
VIC	Seymour express and Goulburn Valley Avenel, Greytown, Nagambie, Tallarook and Yea Advertiser	1914 – 1918
VIC	Shepparton Advertiser	1914 – 1918
VIC	Snowy River Mail	1914 – 1918
VIC	South Bourke Standard	1861 – 1873	Completed
VIC	South Bourke and Mornington Journal	1872 – 1920	Completed
VIC	Standard (Frankston)	1939 – 1949	Completed
VIC	Standard (Port Melbourne)	1914
VIC	St Arnaud Mercury	1914 – 1918
VIC	Sunbury News	1892	Completed
VIC	Sunbury News and Bulla and Melton Advertiser	1892 – 1900	Completed
VIC	Sunbury News	1900 – 1910	Completed
VIC	Sunshine Advocate	1924 – 1954	Completed
VIC	Swan Hill Guardian and Lake Boga Advocate	1914 – 1918
VIC	Traralgon Record and Morwell, Mirboo,Toongabbie, Heyfield,Tyers and Callignee Advertiser	1883 – 1886	Completed
VIC	Traralgon Record	1886 – 1932	Completed
VIC	Wangaratta Chronicle	1914 – 1918
VIC	Warragul Guardian and Buln Buln and Narracan Shire Advocate	1879 – 1894	Completed
VIC	Warragul Guardian and West Gippsland Advertiser	1894	Completed
VIC	Warragul Guardian	1895 – 1900	Completed
VIC	Warrnambool Standard	1914 – 1918	Completed
VIC	Werribee Shire Banner	1911 – 1952	Completed
VIC	West Gippsland Gazette	1898 – 1930	Completed
VIC	Williamstown Advertiser	1914 – 1918
VIC	Williamstown Chronicle	1954 – 1954	Completed
VIC	Williamstown Trade Circular	1856	Completed
VIC	Wodonga and Towong Sentinel	1885 – 1954	Completed
WA	Albany Advertiser	1897 – 1950
WA	Bunbury Herald	1892 – 1919
WA	Bunbury Herald and Blackwood Express	1919 – 1929
WA	Coolgardie Miner	1913
WA	The Daily News	1882 – 1950
WA	Geraldton Guardian	1906 – 1928	Completed
WA	Geraldton Guardian and Express	1929 – 1947	Completed
WA	Geraldton Guardian	1948 – 1950	Completed
WA	The Herald	1867 – 1886
WA	Inquirer	1840 – 1855	Completed
WA	The Inquirer & Commercial News	1855 – 1901	Completed
WA	Kalgoorlie Miner	1895 – 1950
WA	The Mirror	1921 – 1956	Completed
WA	Northern Times	1905 – 1952	Completed
WA	Southern Advertiser	1888
WA	Sunday Mirror	1920 – 1921	Completed

2012-2013

State	Title	Date Range	Status
ACT	Canberra Times	1955 – 1954
ACT	Canberra Times	1957 – 1975
NSW	Cumberland Argus
NSW	Globe	1885 – 1887
NSW	Globe	1911 – 1914
NSW	The Globe and Sunday times war pictorial	1914 – 1917
NSW	Goulburn evening penny post	1881 – 1940
NSW	Goulburn evening post	1940 – 1957
NSW	Goulburn herald	1860 – 1864
NSW	Goulburn herald	1881 – 1908
NSW	The Goulburn herald and chronicle	1864 – 1881
NSW	The Goulburn herald and County of Argyle advertiser	1848 – 1859
NSW	Kiama independent	1947 – 1954
NSW	The Kiama independent and Illawara and Shoalhaven	1863
NSW	The Kiama independent, and Shoalhaven advertiser	1863 – 1947
NSW	The Kiama reporter and Illawarra journal.	1886 – 1904
NSW	Miners' advocate and Northumberland recorder	1873 – 1876
NSW	The Newcastle chronicle	1866 – 1876
NSW	The Newcastle chronicle and Hunter River district news	1859 – 1866
NSW	Newcastle morning herald & miners' advocate	1876 – 1954
NSW	The Shipping gazette and Sydney general trade list	1844 – 1860
NSW	Sydney general trade list	1828 – 1829
NSW	Sydney general trade list	1834 – 1842
NSW	Sydney general trade list, and mercantile advertiser	1829 – 1830
NSW	Sydney general trade list, mercantile chronicle and advertiser.	1830 – 1830
NSW	Sydney mail	1860 – 1871
NSW	Sydney mail	1912 – 1938
NSW	The Sydney mail and New South Wales advertiser	1871 – 1912
QLD	Ipswich Herald & General Advertiser	1861 – 1862
QLD	Longreach Leader	1939 – 1954
QLD	Queensland Country Life	1900 – 1954
QLD	Queensland Times	1909 – 1954
QLD	Queensland Times, Ipswich Herald & General Advertiser	1863 – 1908
QLD	Sunday Mail	1926 – 1954
QLD	Western Sta	1875 – 1954
SA	Adelaide Observer	1843 – 1931
SA	Bunyip	1863 – 1954
SA	Chronicle	1895 – 1954
SA	Daily Herald	1910 – 1924
SA	Kapunda Herald and Northern Intelligencer	1864 – 1951
SA	Northern Argus	1869 – 1954
SA	Petersburg Times	1887 – 1950
SA	Port Lincoln Times	1927 – 1954
SA	Port Pirie Recorder and North Western Mail	1898 – 1954
SA	Renmark Pioneer	1892 – 1950
SA	South Australian Chronicle	1889 – 1895
SA	South Australian Chronicle and Weekly Mail	1868 – 1881
SA	South Australian Weekly Chronicle	1881 – 1889
SA	Southern Argus	1866 – 1954
SA	Wallaroo Times and Mining Journal	1865 – 1954
VIC	Bendigo Advertiser	1854 – 1918
WA	Bunbury Herald	1892 – 1919
WA	Bunbury Herald & Blackwood Express	1919 – 1929
WA	Eastern Districts Chronicle	1877 – 1927
WA	Great Southern Herald	1901 – 1954
WA	Kalgoorlie Miner	1895 – 1950
WA	Norseman Times	1898 – 1920
WA	Pilbarra Goldfields News	1897 – 1923
WA	South Western News	1903 – 1949
WA	Westralian Worker	1900 – 1951

CAN ANYONE SOLVE THIS?

I`m the sweetest sound in the orchestra heard,

Yet in an orchestra have never been.

I`m a bird of gay plumage `tho less than a bird.

Nothing ever in Nature was seen.

Touch the earth, I expire,

In the water I die,

In the air I lose breath,

Yet can swim and can fly.

Darkness destroys me, light is my death,

And I only keep going by holding my breath.

If I cannot be guessed by a boy or a man,

By a girl or a woman I certainly can.

Can you work this one out?